The Last Christmas Dinner

I never see you
in my dreams,
only 
in my memories.
And in a moment,
as the first sight
of snow 
begins to fall, 
I can still see you, 
all those years
in the past.

We all arrived
that night 
for our Christmas dinner
in that nice restaurant,
before they tore
it all into
something else,
and turned it into
something you
wouldn’t recognize.
The flocks of tour buses
that line their gates
now stumble
through the doors
in their praise,
but 
you and I know
what they 
really missed.

You sat
near the window,
backlit by the holiday,
where you can us
all,
looking back 
at you
with love
and guarded
optimism.
You believed
in the doctors
as much as
you believed 
in us.
Did they fail you? 
Did we fail you
for not trying
to change your 
decision?
Or had the 
eventual truth
already had its
way,  
and we were 
already
bracing 
for the impact
of what
was
to come?

When I 
stop
and close
my eyes,
I can still see
and feel
it all, 
in slightly yellowed,
yet beautiful
soft
overtones.
Was it their lighting,
or am I remembering
what I want
to remember,
just as I 
can still feel
myself
reaching 
out to you,
wishing you a Merry Chrtistmas,
one more time.

I never see you
in my dreams
only 
in my
faded
hazy 
memories, 
that change and gray
with every
passing year,
no matter
how hard I try
to hold on
to them.

And wherever
you are,
I wish 
you 
were 
here,
to remind me
of where I am, 
who I was
when you knew me,
and how much
I loved 
you.
Then, and in
all
the snows
to come.

-Daniel Coston
December 5, 2014